Bachelorette: Dating is like a Big Job Interview
Season 14 – Becca Kufrin & 27 Bachelors
Choosing a partner is like a job interview.
I like watching reality shows. It takes me out of my life and into a different world. Another one I watch is Big Brother. The great thing about that show is that you know it is all put together: You see the cameras recording, there are actual competition games while playing the social game. Nothing to hide. The Bachelorette, on the other hand, isn’t as obvious.
I enjoy the drama, fabricated speed dating, using the reality format to tug at heart strings and create relationships in romantic locales and have it come off as authentic. It’s so strange. I don’t understand how it can’t be seen as fabrication. I am highly entertained so I am satisfied. I prefer to watch The Bachelorette than the Bachelor. I rather see guys fighting over a girl than the other way around.
Every time I watch an episode I can’t help but see it like a job interview. Just like a job hunt, one is looking to be hired and win over the role. In this show, a group of men are emotionally invested in winning the heart of a girl. It sounds the same to me.
In this article, I break down what the show is (if you haven’t heard of it), general format and where I see similarities to a job interview.
What is it & the format
As Wikipedia explains, The Bachelorette is an American reality television dating game show that debuted on ABC on January 8, 2003.
From what I have seen here is the typical format of the show:
- Elimination, at the Rose Ceremony
- Dates: They go on 1-on-1, 2-on-1 and group dates
- Gain emotional investment with the audience: Hearing back stories from Becca and the contestants (the “Guys”)
- The Tell-All: Eliminated bachelors swap stories of their experiences on the previous episodes.
- Home Town visits: Contestant meets her friends and fam and vice versa and judge if they are worthy partners.
Here is my break down of how I think this show / dating
is like a job interview.
Everyone is all working towards one role: Becca’s life partner. So she is the boss you want to please.
As an audience member you are drawn to see these personalities and potential suitors for this boss. We judge which guy is best suited for her. Like all interviews, we get a sense of their personalities, see how they interact and ultimately, ‘test’ if they are worthy of this job.
Home Town Dates
As we approach the end, a chosen few get to be a part of the home town dates where the contestants get to meet her family and friends. She also goes to their home towns to do the same. This is an opportunity for the bachelorette and bachelors to get outside perspectives and for her to see what the guys are like in their personal environments. Would you say this is like a probation?
Dates are Interviews
As mentioned there are different dates: 1-on-1, 2-on-1 and group.
No matter what size, this gives the guys an opportunity to be judged by how well they interact: a team player, leader or agile to unplanned events.
The response, so far, to group dates is that it isn’t as special as a 1-on-1. Like a group interview, it can be intimidating to make yourself seen, heard, noticed. But don’t take it as a negative opportunity. It showcases how well you work with others, listen or lead. It will get you closer to the 1-on-1.
Guns-a-blazin’ is not the answer
If you’ve seen the first few episodes you will get the joke. During Jordan’s interview after David gets eliminated he says: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get burried in the fucking desert.Thus far here are the tête-à-tête:David + JordanLincoln + Chris The more aggravated, the more friction is caused (more juice for drama). Stabbing others will only hurt your game. It says more about you than the other person. As Becca says in episode 6, that the fighting and petty arguments only affect (ruin) her and the guys’ experience. No one wins. In fact, it generally gets you sent home. This is where I think people get confused with power, outspoken confidence and only seeing the relationship as one way than collaborative; candidates become misguided, unfocused and becomes passive aggressiveness.Don’t get caught up in someone else’ insecurity. If someone is picking a fight with you, it says more about them than you. Unless you react, then that also says something about you. Ya hear?
Audeince participation – who are we really listening to?
At first, I thought the host would be the voice I would hear the most. I am wrong.
As the role of the audience, are we playing the role her BFF or the guys? We get both Becca and the guys’s voice overs (VO). We hear what they are thinking of each other and their feelings toward our protagonist.
If I were to choose a position/perspective, I we are playing the BFF role: trying to find the best person for her and being a fly on the wall to the guys.
Every guy keeps saying they want to show her how much they mean to her or the person they are, in a very short window of time. This creates pressures. A tasty formula for a reality show. This is just like in an interview when they ask more personal, emotional questions. Give the interviewer a snapshot of who you are in real life vs. a made up answer in a short timeframe.
Up to this point, I think vulnerability will get you far in this game. She needs to choose her partner in a very short amount of time. Be as real as you can, even among the construction. Also know who your audience is because not everyone deserves your story (Brene Brown).
The Exit Interview
About three episodes before the finale the Bachelor/Bachelorette format typically does a TELL ALL. They gather all the contestants and they basically chat about the season. Bring up all the highs and lows of the season and hear more about the person’s perspective during that time and if there are any ill will to-date. It has nothing to do with the current relationships being aired because the people that are here, well their relationship with Becca is over. In this reality game, they’ve lost. So why bring this up? Drama. Remember, it is an entertainment show. I also see it as the part of the format that is like the Exit Interview. It is also the part in life when you leave a scenario, job or relationship and the WHY questions start being questioned/answered.
As a manager, you have to sit down with the person leaving and ask how the company or your leadership can do better.
Have you ever been in a relationship and wanted to know why someone broke up with you? Closure is what is needed here. And they give it. Becca comes on and helps answers these questions while you know very well she is with ‘the winner’ and in the finale it will be revealed.
Be graceful upon Exiting
Like most job interview tips you hear, sending a thank you note is the classy way to go. If you quit your job, ideally you want to leave on a good note. Their memory of you is their lasting impression. As Ru Paul says on Drag Race, don’t fuck it up.
And as I’ve seen on this show, if she breaks up with you, don’t look like an asshole on TV. It ain’t cute. Not being chosen doesn’t mean you are a loser. It means it wasn’t the right fit.
Conclusion: Get the Rose. Get the Girl.
I don’t like the idea of chasing marriage as ultimate happiness. Not saying this is what these contestants think, just how the show is portrayed.
I think you can learn a lot by watching this show. Lessons in social behaviour and communication. Please do not forget that it is all made up and edited a certain way. The music, the cuts, the voice overs, all of it is made for you to feel a certain way. So take it as entertainment. I think there are about 10 episodes left.
Who do you think will get the job?